Whew, so glad that I did.

Yesterday Scott and I spent all day getting ready for a very much anticipated Thanksgiving dinner with Scott's family.  There would be 11 total people around the table to share a wonderful meal.  Those coming included Scott's father, Randy, Scott's brothers, Justin, Nico and Christian, Nico's girlfriend Jess, Scott's Grandma Mary and Scott's Uncle Doug.  Scott spent the day cooking and preparing the food while I cleaned up the house and tended to the Kennedy and Lexi. (Mackenzie was spending Thanksgiving with her dad.)

The week before I kept seeing a lot of Thanksgiving related TV shows where someone would say a prayer out loud before the meal.  I just knew in my heart that this is something that I wanted to do before we all shared our meal.  I brought the idea up to Scott and he said "That's fine, as long as you say it."  I wasn't surprised by his answer at all.  All day Wednesday into Thursday I prayed about it.  Asking God to not let me chicken out and give me the right words to say. See, I've never said a prayer out loud in front of anyone before.  And here I was going to do it for the first time in front of Scott's family.  I know that most of them are believers.  But it's been a hard year for some of the others since Harla past away.  Their faith has been shaken severely and I think they may have given up hope that God still cares about them.

As dinner was close to being done and ready to be enjoyed my nerves started to get to me.  But I kept hearing God telling me to do it. The world needs more prayer. I knew what I wanted to say, I had been rehearsing it all day. Right as dinner was coming out of the oven I called everyone into the living room.  No one but Scott and I knew what was going to happen.  They were quite surprised when I said that we were going to pray before we eat.  (We had never done that before at a family gathering.)  It was short prayer, I said how we were thankful for the opportunity for us all to be together to share a wonderful meal.  That it's been a hard year as we were missing Harla but we knew that she was with us in spirit.  It's been a great fall as Scott's brother Justin is back in our lives.  I ended by saying that we were thankful for all that God is going to provide for us in the future.

Last night after everyone left and Scott and I reflected on the day he said that what I had said was very touching.  He even noticed that some of his family had gotten teary eyed. Whew, I did it.  You know what, when I finished a huge sense of peace came over me.  God lead me through it and I can't wait for the next time I get to say a prayer out loud again.

Until next time ~Anita

Transformation in progress.

Last week the ladies and I in our Friday morning Life Group finish the book The Miracle of Life Change by Chip Ingram.  It was a very good book.  I was challenged to think about things that don't normally cross my mind.  My relationship with God is definitely different, in a good way.

Like most followers of Christ I have my good days and my bad days.  I have days where I feel really close to God and days where I feel so far away I'm not sure how I'll ever get back.  I'm still amazed that no matter how many times I blow it God also takes me back, He longs for me to come back to Him.  To find comfort in his arms.

I still get distracted by the "got to do this" and "have to do that".  One thing that has helped me to keep things in the right order; God first then everything else, is by staying involved in the Life Group at church.  The ladies in my Friday morning group are truly amazing.  I've made friends and found mentors.  I am developing authentic relationships.  I know that I can share with these ladies what is inside my heart and I trust that they will not judge me.  They are there to listen, offer advice and help me to listen to God and hear His whispers.  

I know that I am still a work in progress.  But I also know this; God is always here to help me and guide me along the way.

Until next time ~ Anita

The Lord had great plans for Greta.

Today my friend Greta got on a plane to go to Ethiopia.  Yup, you read that right, Ethiopia.  She is part of group of 18 people traveling with Children's Hopechest.  I can't even find the words to tell you about her trip so please take a look at her blog: Give me your eyes.

Greta, we miss you already and can't wait to hear about your trip!

I hope I would do the right thing.

Tonight after the girls were in bed I was watching one of my favorite shows on ABC called What Would You Do?  I love watching this show.  Just seeing all the folks stand up for what they believe in and doing the right thing is moving.  At the time of the situation the folks don't know that everyone involved are actors.  But before the person leaves the host steps in and lets them know that it isn't real.

I always hope that if I saw something going wrong that God would give me enough courage to stand up for someone in need.  Life is scary and unpredictable, you never know how someone is going to react. I hope that God would tell me what to do and how to do it.  I just hope that I'm listening when he tells me. 

I know that God uses us all in ways that are part of His big plan.  He puts in certain places for a reason.  Make sure you are paying attention.

So my question for you is - Do you know what you would do?

Until next time ~ Anita

Who’s “To do” list are you working off of?

Growing up I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom.  When Kennedy was born on January 24, 2008 Scott and I were still toying with the idea of Kennedy not going to daycare and me not returning to work.  When my maternity leave was up 3 months later we had decided that I would indeed be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).  I had all these ideas as to what that meant to me.

For almost 3 years I’ve been struggling with the definition of being a SAHM.  I thought that our house would be picture perfect and always company ready.  There would be homemade dinners every night  and wonderful breakfasts in the morning.  My “to do” list would be completed at the end of everyday.

When in reality the only “to do” list that I need to be worried about is God’s.  Right now the living room is scattered with toys and I’m almost positive that there are dirty clothes to be washed.  As I was getting Kennedy ready for nap today it was like God smacked me upside the head, saying “Don’t worry about the clothes, the dishes or the fact that the house isn’t company ready.  I have entrusted these little angels to you.  They are to come first.  Make sure they know how much you love them.  Be patient with them, the house will still be here when you are done.”  Now when I get up in the morning I'm going to ask God what he wants me to get done that day.  What does he want me to accomplish?

I’m not sure why it has taken so long for this to come to me.  However, I am so glad that it did.  The anxiety is starting to melt away.  Of course there will be days where God is going to have to remind me again and again and again.  I am no where near where I would like to be but I’m getting there. Only with God by my side will I be the woman of God that he wants me to be.

Until next time~ Anita

Doctor, doctor give me the news...

Wow, have we been to the doctor's office a lot lately. On the 14th Mackenzie had her check-up and hearing test after having tubes put in her ears a month earlier. All is well with her ears. She still has a 30-60% hearing loss in her right ear. Even with the hearing loss she is doing well in Kindergarten. The doctor wants to us to get her a hearing aid, but we opted to wait and see how she continues to do in school.

On the 18th Lexi had her 1 year check-up. She is getting so big. Lexi now weighs 18 pounds and is 29 inches long. She is perfectly healthy and growing like she should. Lexi may be petite but it fits her giggly personality just perfect.

The next night (the 19th) I took Kennedy into Urgent Care because she was complaining of bad ear pain. You guessed it, she had an ear infection. She is feeling much better now.

Two night ago I took Lexi and myself into Urgent Care as well. I had a sore throat for 2 days and was really tired and achy all over. Lexi had spiked a fever of 101.8 that afternoon so I feared she was getting a sore throat too. Come to find out I have strep throat and Lexi has a double ear infection. After a few days of antibiotics the girls in the house are all feeling better.

The house is in shambles and needs a good cleaning. But my energy level is slowly returning to normal so I will get the house back in order this weekend.

Halloween is on Sunday and the girls are excited to go trick or treating and to the church party. So we all need to be in good health.

Until next time~ Anita

Harla, we miss you!

The first time I met my husband's mom, Harla Kwallek, was Easter 2006. I was really nervous about meeting the mother of the love of my life. When in reality I think she was more nervous about meeting me. Harla readily accepted me and my daughter Mackenzie into her family. She loved Mackenzie tremendously and fell into the role of her grandma easily. Fast forward to my bridal shower. Harla gave me an awesome baking cookbook and a card that said she had been praying that someone like me would come into Scott's life. The day Scott and I got married I could see the happiness just beaming off her face.

A few months later we announced that we would be parents again in January 2008. The night Kennedy was born Harla, Randy and Christian drove an hour to the hospital to be one of the first to meet her. Harla always lit up when she got the chance to see her grandkids. She spoiled them rotten and usually gave them what they wanted. She loved her granddaughters with her whole heart.

For my birthday in 2009 Harla gave me a gift certificate for a cake decorating class and some supplies to get me started. I didn't get to take my class until August of 2009. At this time I was pregnant again with our 3rd daughter and I loved being able to get out of the house for the hour a week. When Harla gave me my birthday gift that year it was like she had known me my whole life and knew that I would fall in love with cake decorating. She was right!! I loved it and became instantly hooked. Harla and I finally had a hobby to talk about.

The month of September was a very hard month for Harla as she struggled with the breast cancer she had been fighting for 3 years. I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Alexis Grace (Lexi Lu) and Harla kept telling me that Lexi wasn't going to come until she (Harla) was strong enough to meet her. I believe she was right. Lexi was born on October 9th and she met her a week and a half later.

This last part is tough for me. I type this with tears in my eyes. Harla was in the hospital in Dubuque, IA and we drove down with Kennedy and Lexi to see her. I'm not sure how long we were there for but I know it wasn't long enough. The whole time Harla laid in her bed and held little Lexi while she slept. The nurses were so very happy that Harla and Lexi got to meet. We talked for awhile then Kennedy decided that Grandma needed some chips. It was so unbelievably cute as Kennedy was feeding Harla. As the time wore on Kennedy became increasingly bored and ready to go home. I left some recent pictures of her granddaughters with her as we packed up to drive back to Madison. My only regret is that I didn't give her one last hug before leaving. My arms were full of baby stuff and I thought I would see her again.

On October 25th 2009 Harla went home to be with God. It was a cold dreary day much like today. We are told that she is glad she was able to meet Lexi before passing. We are also told that she was hanging onto the pictures I gave her as she took her last breath. Words can't even describe the pain we felt in the coming days leading up to the funeral. It took me awhile to process it all. Between taking care of a newborn and 20 month old I was exhausted and hormonal. At the funeral they played a song called "I can only imagine" by MercyMe. It was at that moment that I let all my grief out that had been building up over the last week.

Harla, you were an amazing woman, mother, and grandma. We will forever miss you and never stop loving you.